I constantly find myself in the same detriment, I could say that the woman I want isn’t the woman God wants for me. It makes sense to a certain degree,that the woman I call perfect is revealed to be of second-rate..
I guess its my decision to act blind at the end of the day, negligence lays down the path before me and my ignorance is my compass. I respect my decisions although at the end of the journey she eats me up and regurgitates me when I’ve outlived my purpose.
I won’t say I blame her, it wasn’t her fault really. I blame myself for I gave her my hearts entire devotion forgetting that it does break easily, at times I feel like I’m being punished,deserted at a time where I feel openly needy but I suppose the punishment is part of forgiveness.
I guess there isn’t any easier way to do it because I’d believe that honesty counts for all that’s existing past the surface,it was all based on ego satisfaction that we loved ego pleasing love, who am I to say I know what love is but I searched for it in her hoping that I might find it.
I ask myself where’s the lose if we both loved ego pleasing love, it then hits me that she loved ego pleasing love and I loved heart pleasing love, my determination kept me going and I can say I’ve loved love itself and lived through it all.